Archive-name: FirstGay/ftg517.txt
Archive-author: 
Archive-title: My first fuck


Well, my first fuck was not the great innocent fantasy but my attempt
to experience gay sex with what my 17 year old closeted self could
identify as 'gay' which was, at that time, effiminacy.  At the same,
time, I found this very unattractive - even though i was attracted
to MEN  (of the masculine persuasion).   I was with my family on
the power boat that we moored in Provincetown.  I found some excuse
to walk into town and up and down the main drag -- Commercial Street.
All around the P-town Town Hall are wooden benches and late in the
evening the cruising gets pretty heavy. (At 2 am it is bewildering)
It was around 10 I guess and this guy who REEKED of Aramis (THE gay
cologne in those days) stared at me as I sauntered by.  I was self-
conscious as heck but after a swing by or 2, managed to get the courage
to sit next to him.  (!)  (Oh wow!)   Trite conversation ensued and
we finally got to the point.  Followed him away from town on foot.
Ended up next to a public school, under a tree on the grass.
It was probably a dry fuck even.  Hurt like heck.  He got off. I
didn't of course.  (This was "tricking" to the max.. he completely
self-absorbed).  Now it is unlikely that in this outdoor public
location (under a full moon, yet) that I would have been relaxed
enough to get it.  ANd - considering that the only gays I could
recognize were effeminate ones and I found them UN-attractive,
how could this have possibly worked?  But I was determined to find
out about this 'gay stuff'.   Luckily, I was persistent.  Only took
another 20 years to figure out what it and I was all about. Anyway
- that was 'the first fuck'.  Luckily not the last.

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