Archive-name: JourEntr/j916-194.txt
Archive-author: Elf Matheiu Sternberg
Archive-title: Travellogue, Day 12


Journal Entry 194 / 0916

     "Nickolai?"

     Dave voice percolated slowly through his sleep-laden brain.  He
groaned for a moment, then turned over and said, "What is it, Dave?"

     "I hate to disturb you, but Ken is at the door."

     "What?  Mph.  Let him in."  He rose from the bed, noting that Furry
was still fast asleep, grabbed a robe and floated up through the grav
tube.

     "Morning," Shardik said.  Nickolai waved, tired.  "You look tired."

     "I overslept," Nickolai admitted, painfully.  He walked into the
kitchen and grabbed a pitcher of orange juice, fumbling for a glass.
While he was pouring, Shardik sat down opposite the bar and said, "I'd
like to talk to you."

     "Sure thing."

     "I'm sure Furry told you last night about the offer I made."
Nickolai nodded.  "I mean it.  You're welcome, too.  No questions asked,
no expectations."

     "I have to go home," Nickolai said.

     "I know," Shardik replied.  "I kinda figured you would say that.
So here's my next offer.  When you return, you walk the Hall.  And you
stay the same.  No change, unless you want to change."

     "Huh?"

     "I'm changing the Hall.  You walk the Hall, you're a resident of
Pendor.  It's that simple.  You and Furry don't have to move to an
outcolony or anything like that.  You don't get changed by the Hall,
except you become a Pendorian design."

     "What do you mean?"

     "You talked to Skii about Pendorian nanobiology.  That gets
substituted for Saman Transfer.  And that goes for anybody, Humans,
Katkin, Rats, llerkendi.  So far.  They're the only ones this deal is
good for."

     "What about my Right of Replacement?"

     "It becomes null and void.  Your reproductive ability will go down
a lot, because Pendorians don't breed nearly as fast as Terrans do."

     "My reproductive ability is zero," Nickolai pointed out.

     "Well, yes," Shardik replied.  "So I guess it's a benefit.  I was
talking about in comparison to orignal Homo Sapiens.  You still get full
reproductive control, of course."

     "Why are you doing this?"

     "Because I've been away from Terra too long," Shardik admitted.
"There's never been, as far as I know, an interstellar empire based on
respect.  I think we could make one.  You've proven it, Nickolai... you
want to be part of it."

     "I'm not so sure I want to be 'part of it'," Nickolai said.  "All I
know is, I've found things in it worth living for, and that makes me
want to give to it.  Does that make any sense?"

     "All the sense in the world," Shardik replied.  "It proves to me
the basic idea I had when Dave first told me about you.  It tells me
that Terra has forgotten the ultimate adventure, except in a few people,
people like you, Nickolai."

     "People," Nickolai said.  "Aaden told me that, a few days ago.
People are the ultimate adventure."

     "Right.  Your mother makes art for artificial reasons.  She makes
it to hear applause, and to see money.  She doesn't do it to see
pleasure in another person's eyes, even if that pleasure is through the
vicarious experience of whatever the art conveys, be it love, lust,
hatred, whatever.  That's what being alive is all about.  No deity, no
higher goal exists, than to bring joy to another person.  Skii doesn't
see that, but he's getting there, with every disappointment, with every
physical pleasure, he gets a little closer.  Aaden and I have known it
for a long time, funny as it sounds.  Almost from the first time we met,
we knew it in each other- and if that joy comes in pushing the mystical
boundaries of ourselves through... through whatever it is that Aaden and
I do, so be it.  P'nyssa and I are like you and Jofuran... we just have
it.  We just have to be there for each other, and we're happy."

     Nickolai nodded.  "So what happens now?"

     "Now?" Shardik asked.  "Well, we go on hold for two years.  And
you're right.  You have to go home... back to Terra.  You have to find
out for yourself if everything you've learned is true.  If you're ready
to take responsibility for what I'm putting on you."

     "I don't think that's much of a problem."

     "Because it gets you Jofuran?"

     "Because it allows me Jofuran," Nickolai corrected after a pause.

     "Good..." Shardik seemed surprised.  "Wow.  You came around a lot
faster than even I would have thought possible."  He stopped and bit his
lip.  "Look, I took the liberty of having everything of yours packed
away and ready to go, and had a few pictures of the picnic I especially
liked set aside in an album.  You don't mind?"  Nickolai shook his head.
"Also, I've cooked breakfast.  If you want, come and join us in my home.

     "I will.  Let me go wake Furry?"

     "See you in a few minutes."

     Nickolai floated back down the tube.  "Furry?" he whispered gently
into her ear.

     "Whuzza?" she asked groggily.

     "Time to get up," he said gently.  "Ken's invited us to breakfast."

     She scowled gently, licking the taste in her mouth like she did
every morning, apparently, and said, "Okay.  Help me dress?"

     He smiled and helped her into the clothing she had set aside for
the day, a modest pair of Felin-cut silk pants, and a shirt of the same
material, all in a gentle grey with wide pink trim that looked good on
her.

     For himself, Nickolai chose to wear his "Discrimination..." T-shirt
and a pair of blue denim pants.  He wanted to look as nondescript as
possible, and the T-shirt covered by the leather jacket... he stopped.
The leather jacket.  Nobody wore leather anymore on Terra.  He shrugged.
There was no way he was going to get away with "nondescript" now, and he
didn't give a damn either way.  "How do I look?"

     "Beautiful," she replied, suddenly grasping him and hugging him
tightly.  "I love you."

     "I know," he replied, blink a tear.  "I wish... Well, we'll see.  I
love you, Jofuran."  They held each other, almost silent for minutes.
"Come on," he said.  "Breakfast is getting cold."

     They found Shardik, P'nyssa and Aaden at home, waiting for them to
arrive.  Shardik distributed plates, glassware and silverware, and
people were encouraged to eat wherever they chose.  Nickolai and Furry
took the couch, Shardik took the chair opposite, Aaden at his feet, and
P'nyssa took the chair to Furry's right.  They ate in relative quiet.
After they had all finished their meals and Shardik put the plates
aside, he said, "There didn't seem to be much to say, Nickolai, except
'goodbye.'"

     "I know," Nickolai replied gently.  "I couldn't think of anything I
really wanted to tell you, either, except maybe 'thank you... sir.'"

     Shardik laughed gently.  "Good man."

     P'nyssa held out her mitten.  "Come back, Nickolai," she said.
"Although I didn't get to talk to you much, I did like what I did see.
I'd love to have more time to just sit and talk."

     "I'd like that too," he said, suddenly finding himself intensely
curious about her.  "I'll be back."

     "Better be," Aaden said, smiling, "Or else I think this young lady
will be coming after you with a loaded weapon."

     "And seeing the way she shot out there," Shardik commented, "That's
not something you want."

     "No, it isn't," Nickolai admitted.

     "I wouldn't shoot him," Jofuran said quietly.  "I can think of
things far more nasty to do to him, most of which involve sending mail
to his roommates."  She laughed.  "I'm only kidding, Kolya... I wouldn't
do any such thing."

     "That's good," he commented, feeling a little better.

     "There's still this nagging in the back of your mind about what
Pendorians do, isn't there?  You hear all these stories about 'what we
do' and you become very uncomfortable.  Nickolai, you worry too much.
Think about it this way... you're not a Pendorian, but you have every
right to say 'Nickolai Shardik,' if you want to.  Here."  Shardik
flipped a small plastic card in his direction.  "It's an offworld ident
card.  You're right handed, correct?"  Nickolai nodded.  "It the one
used by the Pendorian Diplomatic Corp.  If you hand it someone with your
left hand, it'll read 'Nickolai Shardik,' and will list your address
here.  You're under Pendorian Aegis, if you so request.

     "If you think I'm pressuring you, maybe I am.  I'm trying to make
it as easy as you want to come back, whenever you want."

     "But..." Nickolai frowned.

     "This is an order, Nickolai.  You're going home.  That's your
decision.  You already have travel tickets made out for the day after
your eighteenth birthday, and you know how to use the SDisk system once
you get here.  So, from now until then, I want you to decide.  It's not
an easy choice."  He stepped two steps forward and put his hand on
Furry's shoulder.  "But there are reasons you should come back.  Decide
what it is you plan on doing with your life.  In the meantime, I expect
Furry to be doing the same."

     "I will."

     "Promise?"

     "I have to make a promise to an order?" Nickolai chided Shardik.

     "No," Shardik said.  "I want one anyway."

     "I promise," Nickolai replied.

     "Good.  Come on, boarding starts in one hour, and there are people
there I want to meet, and you want to meet."

     "People... ?  Like who?"

     "Well, the Shigokais, for one thing, and your mother for another."

     Nickolai sighed.  "I suppose."  He felt... saddened, but he
couldn't quite say why.  A lot of it was that he was leaving Furry, but
there was more to it than that.  He supposed it was just depression, and
responsibility, creeping up on him.

     He recovered his bag, which Aaden immediately snatched from him.
"I'll carry it," he offered.

     "Thank you," Nickolai said.  "Aaden?"

     "Hmm?"

     "Where's Skii this morning?"

     "He has class until about six."

     "Oh.  I guess I won't see him to say goodbye.  And Molly?"

     "She and Rainy are off again."

     "Oh.  Aaden?" he asked again.

     "Hmm?" the big Mephit replied, smiling.

     "If I give you a hug, will you pass it on to Skii for me?"

     Aaden smiled, then nodded.  He put down the bag and opened his arms
wide.  Nickolai walked into his open arms and hugged him tightly,
fiercely.  And as he stepped away, he said "Give Skii this message for
me, will you?  Tell him... tell him I think the ticket's still good."

     Aaden looked confused, then nodded.  "Not sure what it's about, but
I'll deliver it."

     "Thank you."

     They all stepped on the SDisk together and appeared inside the
foreign outbound terminal in Parma.  "There go my sinuses," Shardik
commented.  Nickolai looked around for a moment, then said "There's my
mother."  They walked together as a group, five people, and the humans
in the terminal gave them a very wide berth.

     "Kolya," his mother said.

     "Hi, Mom," he replied, stepping forward and giving her a hug.

     "Kolya," she exclaimed.  "What was that for?"

     "Just because, Mom," he replied.  "Mom, I think you've met Ken
Shardik, and this is Aaden and P'nyssa Shardik."

     She looked flustered for a moment, then turned to Aaden and said,
"I've not met you.  Pleased to make your aquaintance, sir."

     Aaden smiled; although to most people it probably looked like a
polite smile, Nickolai thought he could see a hint of amusement there,
probably at her use of the word 'sir.'  "Thank you, Ms Dittrich.  It's
been a pleasure having your son as our houseguest.  As you can see,
we're returning him to you just as he left."

     Nickolai distinctly saw Shardik roll his eyes, lean over and
whisper something into Aaden's ear.  Aaden's public reply was "That's
you."

     "Mom!" he heard Furry say.

     "Hello, Joey," her mother replied, stepping through the crowd
waiting to board.  "How have you been?"

     "Great, Mom, just great.  And you?"

     "Very well.  Your father has another section of the universe for us
to gallivant off to."

     "Do you want me to..."

     "Only if you wish, dear.  Although I understand you do want to
follow in his path."

     "I'll think about it, Mom.  Hi, Dad."

     "Hiya, Little One.  How've you been?"

     "Uhm, Sir, Miss, may I speak to you both for a moment?" Shardik
interrupted.  He pulled them aside.  The conversation was very short,
followed immediately by handshakes from much both of the Shigokais.

     Her father returned and said, "Congratulation, sweetheart.  I'll
let you in on a little secret- I've had that for a long time too."

     "You have?"

     "Yes," he replied.  "It's not a secret between your mother and I.
You probably got the same room I've taken."

     A voice from the intercom broke over the conversation.  "The
gangway has been cleared.  Boarding is now starting."

     "I have to go," Nickolai said.  Tears were forming in his eyes.  "I
really have to go," he repeated.

     "Give her a hug goodbye, then," Shardik said gently.

     Nickolai looked down at Jofuran, who had tears to match his.
"Goodbye, Kolya."

     "I'll be back," he whispered as he hugged her close.

     "I love you."

     "I love you.  Oh, God, how I love you."  The universe seemed to
hold still as they held each other.  Then slowly, it came to speed as
they tore apart from each other.

     "Goodbye," she whispered.

     He smiled through his tears, and an old line went through his mind.
He formed his thumb and forefinger in a circle, held it to his eye and
tipped it away.  "Be seeing you," he shouted as he walked backwards
towards the gangway, crying.  The crowd pressed in and closed around
him, and he couldn't see the six people he was leaving behind,
especially the one.

--
"Travellogue, Day 12"
The Journal Entries of Kennet R'yal Shardik, et. al., And Related Tales
are (c) 1989, 1992 Elf Matheiu Sternberg.  May be freely distributed by
cybernetic media; hardcopies are limited to single printings for
personal use.
--
elf@halcyon.com  (Elf Sternberg)